Longest drive to work

I had the longest drive to work today thinking and eventually crying, for reasons which i will further reveal. I am quite a softie at certain things, of course depending on situation.

at that point...... i had this caption coming into my head....
There's nothing more hurtful than being betrayed by your own blood.
kind for all that matter.. therefore, i am thankful to have my family.

Recently i had a relative who came over to my place.. i wont say who.. and the F*ck i care bout publishing this online. The story seems vague but it's a whole series of drama that you most probably think you can only see on TV. It's the same ol' suspecting husband has an affair and it goes on and on..

The reason i didnt mention who this person is and what exactly happen because i have respect for a person's private life. However, there's always an aftermath and my own thoughts.

My regrets to this
- The decision to separate/divorce, but as usual his speech was more dominating.
- putting so much effort in waking up early, sleepless nights especially when there were attacks of cramps, pointless conversation with him yesterday and waiting for his arrival
- TIME, says it all...
- MONEY, in terms of shooting calls abroad, travelling. Eventhough there was luxury of calling for free. It doesnt mean it could be disregarded.
- I hope that my mom didnt get any stress out of this because it's SO NOT worth it.
- Sacrificing spending happy times with my boys, my true friends.
- to fall for such drama. if there is any possibilities of rewinding this. I would.
- to scream at my dad when we lost our way looking for some place which i guess doesn't matter
- contributing money in hope to find the truth... so foolish of me..

The following will seem really sarcastic, please dont review if you have a weak heart...

The reality/lesson learnt
- It's either it's plain stupidity or bimbos not only exist in blonde girls. I basically mean brains.
- I dont really care what happens henceforth. I will most probably fall back on the usual - being silent. My family and I dont owe anyone. We are not any home spare tyre for anyone to bounce back on. We are not a f*cking playground.
- I sensed some part of our conversations that not only that there was expectations of the hubby coming around but also the greed for materialism aka the house (current place), the oh-so beautiful mansion. Hence my first point of saying that we are not a spare tyre. How can i be so foolish to offer and regard my humble home as a place to stay when it's so so 'MESSY', no plasma tv, no facilities, no fancy gate?-maybe and so forth ... of course not as clean ... i reckon.. i should be ashamed to even offer... how foolish..
- When one of too many times you have disappointed someone (especially for the same reason), it's just like crying wolf. It happened before and it has cause my mom a heart ache. Poor mom.. i finally understood what she went through and understood why my home has accumulated so much 'GARBAGE' AKA 'MESS'. There could be times that we (my family) have to suffer and forgo simple luxury and choices in life because of someone else's CHILDISH DECISIONS.
- Childish manner of handling life is just wayyyyy too good to be true. The usual drama, showing tantrum, crying, cursing, going through a f*ckingly-ridiculous task to find out somethings, husband comes by and sweet talk for 2 hours and go home. tra-la-la... Of course the above is cost effective.
-The decision to return and cancel the divorce seems to me like a slow grave digging process. Since it is already so, dont forget to cement the sides, tile up the bottom and carve some flower element on the coffin. It makes it all so beautiful.
- My crying part was not because i am sad for the future (eventhough i have given thoughts- not worth it) but it's because of the sympathy i have for the unborn child. And of course, i finally realised how much my mom sacrificed for some useless shit like this.
- Worth while efforts are only considerable. If someone ever ask you to do something, please make sure it's WORTH IT.
- Dont turn around to say I am complaining of backstabbing this fact. I have always tried to offered options for decision making. How is it like to decide and go back otherwise. It's like dreaming to build a castle and even while building it, it's a castle but you ended up with a tent. Yes. that is how extreme it is.
- Most of the time, I would be all happy to reunite couples. But this time around i totally dont.
- it's ok to rant about anyone or someone but when a serious solution is not made out of a serious strike it's just.. playing with air...
- Spoke to a very good friend about this and the only thing he said is that we're stupid enough to fall for this. I admit it. Yes we are a bunch of stupid whores waiting for some dumb f*ck to come mess up our lives.

Enough said.. i think between the lines, i have repeated myself quite alot. *stare

But this is just an official manner to release. I forgive this person but i would from now be at a distance. Cruel as it seems, but when shit hits the fan, everyone who does not need to be involved has to suffer. I have 2 words for such people who exist, FLY KITE.

Now please dont take this as a personal attack. You would wished so hard it was.

I am now really looking forward July for my holiday to Phuket.